Talking to the hand that feeds you

If smoking ads were real, and I mean really real, the cigarettes would talk.

 Oh? That is Interesting... (voice tails upward). Just what exactly would these "talking cigarette" ads look like? To allow for imaginative discussion, this concept will be explored through a more historic time context: that of pre-April-of-1970, when airing cigarette ads on television was still legal. Moving... pictures! Mr. Burns clasps bony hands, spurred to motion by greedy anticipation.  

Surely, those ancient purveyors of Philip Morris^TM-brand porno, who capitalized big-time on jacking up the sexual elements of the lone wolf male and the independent female, who then went further into the nuclear family room, to buddy up that same couple's children with Joe Camel... well, let's just say that they could have done the talking cigarette thing. Had the technology. Lacked the remorse. Piece of cake.

A Desire To Stop Meetings

"Is anyone here celebrating one year?" Slowly, I raised my hand. From out of nowhere came a shout of congratulations, followed by a round of applause. At the head table sat the chairperson, who noted this and stood, beckoning me to join him at the podium. Surrounded by warmth, support, and back-pats... given to me, a stranger to this group!... I rose from my fold-out seat.

The cheering grew louder as I approached the front of the table, where the chairperson stood to embrace me (hey now!), while handing me a metallic coin signifying that I had not taken a drink of alcohol for one year.

Nervously, I stepped up to the podium, and looked at the sea of enthusiastic faces. Clutching the coin infused me with a sense of confidence, and  I cleared my throat. "Hi. My name is B.S., and I used to be an alcoholic.”

Just Don't Drink: A Lazy Person's Guide to Alcohol Abstinence

Whereupon one person's solution for the alcohol problem is posted for the world to see. It's not so much a testimonial, as it is like TV's Seinfeld, a show about nothing.

Which suits me fine, just as HAMS, my preferred resource for alcohol abstinence, is (to paraphrase another member) "a support group for people who don't want to be in a support group." Very true, while allowing that both support and groups are wherever one finds them.

More after the NSFW commercial break:

The Atheist Comedian on marijuana prohibition

This man is really funny. His comedy videos are on youtube, at klfly.

NSFW: one sexual reference, and discussion over an illegal plant.

This past Christmas, one drink was enough.

Last Sunday, I spent my Christmas dinner with two friends, a couple whose yuletide tradition is to go out for Mexican food and margaritas. In keeping with a run of nearly eight months since my last alcoholic drink, I had a pint glass of Buckler non-alcoholic beer. A rich light amber color, followed by musky carbonation with minimal aftertaste, separates this pretend beer from the other pretend beers as a... true pretender.

Note: I am not an employee or beneficiary of the manufacturer (Heineken). Though I would definitely consider it. My main point is that I wasn't seeking a beer buzz, but something more akin to beer than that of carbonated formaldehyde. Suck it, O'Doul's. I believe your product makes people want the real thing.

The three of us discussed music and upcoming gigs, avant-garde cinema, and the NFL, as it relates to the American sense of world military dominance (translation: with the injury to Jay Cutler, the Bears' season was as good as over). All of us had steak-based platters. Both of theirs were of the single-piece variety of carne asada, while mine was a novel Peruvian strip steak, served atop french fries. Very tasty. No ketchup needed.

After we had finished our dinner, the waiter arrived with a tray bearing three large shots of some kind of liqueur mix.